Well maybe not...

Okay, so we've given up the gluten free. It didn't seem to be making a difference for my son anyway - with the skin and digestion issues. And it wasn't helping me with the root of my problem...

Hello, my name is Karen, and I'm a food addict....

So, I'm back to figuring out how to help myself.

I've had a particularly bad week, and an exhausting week. It's made me really think about "triggers." There's always a lot of talk about "triggers" these days... what triggers head aches, drinking, depression, other destructive behaviors. So, I tried to pay attention all week to what was triggering my increase in compulsive over-eating.

Yesterday evening, as I proceeded to eat a Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream bar, followed by two left over buffalo chicken tenders with extra blue cheese dressing, a plate of nachos, a handful of dark chocolate Hershey kisses, and a Fresca with vodka, all in rapid succession in a short amount of time... well actually I didn't think about anything while I was in the midst of it. It was this morning, really, that I took a long hard look at it.

Stress, depression, anxiety, fear... basically all the usual triggers. And exhaustion. I definitely deal with mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion with eating. Maybe I'm trying to increase my energy, pump myself up, fill the void I feel when life beats me down, as it has done a lot lately.

But maybe, also, there is a sense of trying to survive. A kind of desperate effort to save myself. Almost as if every sense of my survival manifests itself as the possibility that I could be starving to death. I'm not surviving right now, or barely, so I have to eat eat eat before I starve.

So, then, it's not about what I eat or don't eat, but about finding another way to ensure survival without having the dependency on food.

In the meantime, I went to the grocery store to buy a muffin for breakfast and ended up buying five. But I managed to only eat one and a half. SMALL STEPS.

Making the most of rice crispy bars

Here's how I make gluten free chocolate peanut butter rice crispy bars that have been known to disappear at a party in under 15 minutes with absolutely no complaints or even recognition for the healthier approach they've taken...

In a large bowl combine gluten free cocoa rice crispy cereal, a cup of mini chocolate chips, and two scoops of gluten free whey protein powder (chocolate or vanilla flavored).

Grease a 9x12 pan with butter.

In a sauce pan, melt a stick of butter, two large spoonfuls of peanut butter, and a bag of miniature marshmellows. Keep an eye on it and stir often as it can burn to the bottom of the pan quite easily.

When the marshmellows are completely melted, pour it over the cereal and stir well, and quickly, until all of the cereal is coated and the protein powder as been completely absorbed. Pour into the greased pan and spread evenly.

I put a piece of wax paper over it and push the mixture firmly into the pan to get it even.

Allow to cool thoroughly.